If a celebrity with connections throughout all forms of media needs help and can't get it, I shouldn't be surprised that I've spent the last three years since my husband died completely alone. People tell me to just "smile more," or that I always look "angry." They tell me what food I should eat, what to do with my house, to get rid of my truck, and to volunteer somewhere. BUT no one listens to me. No one lets me talk. They dump their nuggets of advice and then run away as fast as they can. Your words are powerful, Ari, as are Mac Miller's words. It's not about needing a better mental healthcare system, and the people who say "You need a therapist" and then run the other direction aren't helpful. Our society needs to stop and listen to others. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to experience grief and let it evolve. Telling a person they're depressed is simply amateur psychology and judgemental. Start by listening, really listening without any judgement.
I'm so sorry for your loss and pain. The judgment and advice you've received bewilder and compound, along with your changed life status. They're all elements I experienced, widowed at age forty-two with sons then twelve, ten and seven. Most difficult for me, by nature very private, were others' judgment and expectation, often freely given as you've learned. As a society we still do not appropriately accept or deal with death, and differing cultures further impact. I've hesitated to reply to your moving post, and yet I do to say I hear and understand your cri du coeur. I continued wearing my wedding ring until years later, after attending an open house for parents of first-year university students, then my eldest son. A woman there asked me what my husband did [much more cultural then] and the discomfort and unease on her face when I honestly, gently replied prompted me to never again put myself or others in that situation. I removed my wedding ring the next day. I wish you strength and peace.
It’s very sad the such a talented young man was writing songs and actually crying for help against a battle of drugs. Also he left a legacy of help with those struggling today with many types if addiction and mental health issues. So many suffer with these battles.
I read some of that book this year, and it certainly seems like our knowledge/culture is reckoning more with trauma and mental health. Hopefully it helps.
Always gifts in adversity. Silver linings. Using the book in measured doses, responsible for my own mental health, to repair my core beliefs; using neuroplasticity in lieu of self destructive, self medicating behaviors. Only way out is through. Enjoy your newsletter. Choose to avoid the news.
I remember seeing Mac Miller’s death on the news…it was indeed very sad and tragic. This newsletter definitely highlights the importance of mental health awareness. Mental health is often overlooked. I don’t know his music at all but I will definitely take a listen.
I know many who read my responses may get the sense I am very sensitive about about the the souls and spirits of my fellow human beings. Mac Miller was tormented; unfortunately whatever his mental state it could not be soothed by fame, drugs, or speaking (in song form) about the pain he was experiencing. It is good if some people were able to use his songs to save themselves. I believe he opened with the "oath" because maybe he was striving to this ideal.
It seems many artists have sadness in their lives (does that help with their creativity?) Mac striving for success and wanting to be closer to this ideal could have been contradictory. I have a successful friend who is obsessed with being in the limelight that when someone tries to be genuinely concerned about him and show him compassion/kindness it is hard for him to accept.
I wish I could wrap my arms around all that are going through some mental anguish.🤗
FALL BACK FRIDAY-all the sports betting commercials need to fall back. It is just one more way people sink deeper into debt and another addiction! Stop encouraging people to gamble, nobody's got no money to waste! Thanks for another great thought provoking writing. Stay safe stay well.🦋
Oh, Ari.....be still my heart. Why is it we have such reluctance to be happy or sad and talk about it? Have you heard "Golden Teardrops" from back when. The singer talks of remembering, not sharing his pain. He talks as though speaking to his tears. Yikes. He held it in. Our parents taught us to just suck it up. Then there is the issue of trust. Who can you trust with your pain?
Knowing now how much anguish Mac must have lived with and hearing Here We Go is this light, I am heartbroken all over again. Having the ability to create or connect to art helps, but sadly, way too often, that is just not enough. As the loved ones left behind, we are haunted with the questions like "how did we not see it?" or "what more could we have done?"
Our mental health care system needs help. Lots of it.
So powerful Ari. We all need the ability to share our sorrows. Maybe the only upside of the pandemic is that people feel paradoxically isolated and also able to share their despair and hopelessness on social media platforms; it has become slightly more normalized. The human toll of depression is staggering. I think Music that’s related to sadness and recovery really helps
When I was 13 I had Major Depression, and for a very long afterwards--until I developed Bipolar Schizoaffective Disorder in college and was given more effect medicines--I remember other kids did not understand behavior which I guess was "acting out," not in terms of drugs and violence but saying things for shock value... At that time I really wanted to grow up to be a writer... I remember one girl who saw me in the hall my senior year. She was more or less a friend and she asked me, "Why are you so sad?" Now, I had not been conscious of being sad, but being told I was so I started to cry. Anyway, we went down to the guidance councilor's office... but another time afterwards when she saw me upset she demanded, "Why can't you be happy? You have nothing to be depressed about." That was, in high school and early college, a pattern in my life. I no longer say things for shock value, and the meds have evened out my mood swings and other symptoms, but sometimes I feel a kind of loneliness... so I can feel for Mac Miller turning to drugs in his desperation. I hope this hasn't been too personal.
No you have not been too personal. You have shared your experiences that have affected your life. But throughout the years you have overcome alot of those obstacles, and your able to talk about it. Continue to share your story, it might help someone feel like they are not alone. God bless you!!!🙏
The thing is, the personal stories help others who might be able to relate and not feel so alone. I believe that's what struck with so many of Mac's listeners and why they appreciated not just his music but him to this day. It's brave of you to share such a personal story and I appreciate it!
On my previous post it's okay to be sad and talk about it, one person opened up to me I shared honestly and personally how this hit home and I could relate after losing my son to an opioid overdose, it reinforces my feelings people don't want to address the situation or say anything, how sad
Ari, Happy Saturday from Air Force Veteran David, this article really struck home with me. I can totally relate to this article, I lost my oldest son on August 1, 2018 to an opioid overdose, he was 34 years old , three months shy of his 35th birthday. It was totally tragic and devastating to my family. May Mac Miller rest in peace with the Lord and may Lord comfort and bless his family. Opioid addiction is a disease sweeping across our nation and has no boundaries it's everywhere. It doesn't discriminate it affects both the young and older people. Mental health and treatment needs to be more readily available to everyone and the answer is not placing people in jail or prison for opioid addiction. Covid 19 or the pandemic has made opioid addiction and other substance abuse more prevalent and common as people grapple with stress, inclusion and financial hardship. More treatment centers need to be created across the country. We all need to be able to show empathy and reach out to opioid addicts instead of treating them like they have the plague. People's attitude a lot of times is this isn't my problem because it's not happening to me or my family, they turn a blind eye to this, well it very well could happen to you and your family. Whether people are addicts or not they still need to be loved, shown some decency as well as respect because they are individuals, compassion goes a long way. I shared this with you because I hope if nothing else someone that is struggling will read this or see it and reach out and get the help they so desperately need.
Oh Ari , that poor soul. Yes it is okay to be sad and talk about it , but sadly so many don't and end up like this young man. But he was able to help others through his music. The BEAT is getting better and better and that is because of a handsome, sexy man named Ari Melber. Keep up the great work Ari! Good night and have a safe, blessed weekend! Much love!
Really beautiful and heartfelt, Ari. People have so many struggles in life, how brave they are when they try to get help. Thank you for highlighting this, it’s so supportive.
If a celebrity with connections throughout all forms of media needs help and can't get it, I shouldn't be surprised that I've spent the last three years since my husband died completely alone. People tell me to just "smile more," or that I always look "angry." They tell me what food I should eat, what to do with my house, to get rid of my truck, and to volunteer somewhere. BUT no one listens to me. No one lets me talk. They dump their nuggets of advice and then run away as fast as they can. Your words are powerful, Ari, as are Mac Miller's words. It's not about needing a better mental healthcare system, and the people who say "You need a therapist" and then run the other direction aren't helpful. Our society needs to stop and listen to others. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to experience grief and let it evolve. Telling a person they're depressed is simply amateur psychology and judgemental. Start by listening, really listening without any judgement.
I'm so sorry for your loss and pain. The judgment and advice you've received bewilder and compound, along with your changed life status. They're all elements I experienced, widowed at age forty-two with sons then twelve, ten and seven. Most difficult for me, by nature very private, were others' judgment and expectation, often freely given as you've learned. As a society we still do not appropriately accept or deal with death, and differing cultures further impact. I've hesitated to reply to your moving post, and yet I do to say I hear and understand your cri du coeur. I continued wearing my wedding ring until years later, after attending an open house for parents of first-year university students, then my eldest son. A woman there asked me what my husband did [much more cultural then] and the discomfort and unease on her face when I honestly, gently replied prompted me to never again put myself or others in that situation. I removed my wedding ring the next day. I wish you strength and peace.
It’s very sad the such a talented young man was writing songs and actually crying for help against a battle of drugs. Also he left a legacy of help with those struggling today with many types if addiction and mental health issues. So many suffer with these battles.
I’m reading “The Body Keeps the Score.” A study of the cost of trauma on our human selves. It’s painful, poignant and instructive. If only…
I read some of that book this year, and it certainly seems like our knowledge/culture is reckoning more with trauma and mental health. Hopefully it helps.
Always gifts in adversity. Silver linings. Using the book in measured doses, responsible for my own mental health, to repair my core beliefs; using neuroplasticity in lieu of self destructive, self medicating behaviors. Only way out is through. Enjoy your newsletter. Choose to avoid the news.
Thank you for the recommendation. We all have had some type of trauma in our lives.
Take your time. Don’t give up. You’re not alone. Trauma relief is a blessing and a necessity. 🙏🏻❤️
I remember seeing Mac Miller’s death on the news…it was indeed very sad and tragic. This newsletter definitely highlights the importance of mental health awareness. Mental health is often overlooked. I don’t know his music at all but I will definitely take a listen.
Have a nice weekend, Ari 🙂
Fallback Friday was awesome 👍🏽
You too Sandra
Thanks so much for sharing! Was unaware but loved this!
I know many who read my responses may get the sense I am very sensitive about about the the souls and spirits of my fellow human beings. Mac Miller was tormented; unfortunately whatever his mental state it could not be soothed by fame, drugs, or speaking (in song form) about the pain he was experiencing. It is good if some people were able to use his songs to save themselves. I believe he opened with the "oath" because maybe he was striving to this ideal.
It seems many artists have sadness in their lives (does that help with their creativity?) Mac striving for success and wanting to be closer to this ideal could have been contradictory. I have a successful friend who is obsessed with being in the limelight that when someone tries to be genuinely concerned about him and show him compassion/kindness it is hard for him to accept.
I wish I could wrap my arms around all that are going through some mental anguish.🤗
FALL BACK FRIDAY-all the sports betting commercials need to fall back. It is just one more way people sink deeper into debt and another addiction! Stop encouraging people to gamble, nobody's got no money to waste! Thanks for another great thought provoking writing. Stay safe stay well.🦋
Oh, Ari.....be still my heart. Why is it we have such reluctance to be happy or sad and talk about it? Have you heard "Golden Teardrops" from back when. The singer talks of remembering, not sharing his pain. He talks as though speaking to his tears. Yikes. He held it in. Our parents taught us to just suck it up. Then there is the issue of trust. Who can you trust with your pain?
Knowing now how much anguish Mac must have lived with and hearing Here We Go is this light, I am heartbroken all over again. Having the ability to create or connect to art helps, but sadly, way too often, that is just not enough. As the loved ones left behind, we are haunted with the questions like "how did we not see it?" or "what more could we have done?"
Our mental health care system needs help. Lots of it.
For now, love the one you're with. Show it.
Have a great weekend!
So powerful Ari. We all need the ability to share our sorrows. Maybe the only upside of the pandemic is that people feel paradoxically isolated and also able to share their despair and hopelessness on social media platforms; it has become slightly more normalized. The human toll of depression is staggering. I think Music that’s related to sadness and recovery really helps
When I was 13 I had Major Depression, and for a very long afterwards--until I developed Bipolar Schizoaffective Disorder in college and was given more effect medicines--I remember other kids did not understand behavior which I guess was "acting out," not in terms of drugs and violence but saying things for shock value... At that time I really wanted to grow up to be a writer... I remember one girl who saw me in the hall my senior year. She was more or less a friend and she asked me, "Why are you so sad?" Now, I had not been conscious of being sad, but being told I was so I started to cry. Anyway, we went down to the guidance councilor's office... but another time afterwards when she saw me upset she demanded, "Why can't you be happy? You have nothing to be depressed about." That was, in high school and early college, a pattern in my life. I no longer say things for shock value, and the meds have evened out my mood swings and other symptoms, but sometimes I feel a kind of loneliness... so I can feel for Mac Miller turning to drugs in his desperation. I hope this hasn't been too personal.
No you have not been too personal. You have shared your experiences that have affected your life. But throughout the years you have overcome alot of those obstacles, and your able to talk about it. Continue to share your story, it might help someone feel like they are not alone. God bless you!!!🙏
The thing is, the personal stories help others who might be able to relate and not feel so alone. I believe that's what struck with so many of Mac's listeners and why they appreciated not just his music but him to this day. It's brave of you to share such a personal story and I appreciate it!
On my previous post it's okay to be sad and talk about it, one person opened up to me I shared honestly and personally how this hit home and I could relate after losing my son to an opioid overdose, it reinforces my feelings people don't want to address the situation or say anything, how sad
Ari, Happy Saturday from Air Force Veteran David, this article really struck home with me. I can totally relate to this article, I lost my oldest son on August 1, 2018 to an opioid overdose, he was 34 years old , three months shy of his 35th birthday. It was totally tragic and devastating to my family. May Mac Miller rest in peace with the Lord and may Lord comfort and bless his family. Opioid addiction is a disease sweeping across our nation and has no boundaries it's everywhere. It doesn't discriminate it affects both the young and older people. Mental health and treatment needs to be more readily available to everyone and the answer is not placing people in jail or prison for opioid addiction. Covid 19 or the pandemic has made opioid addiction and other substance abuse more prevalent and common as people grapple with stress, inclusion and financial hardship. More treatment centers need to be created across the country. We all need to be able to show empathy and reach out to opioid addicts instead of treating them like they have the plague. People's attitude a lot of times is this isn't my problem because it's not happening to me or my family, they turn a blind eye to this, well it very well could happen to you and your family. Whether people are addicts or not they still need to be loved, shown some decency as well as respect because they are individuals, compassion goes a long way. I shared this with you because I hope if nothing else someone that is struggling will read this or see it and reach out and get the help they so desperately need.
Oh Ari , that poor soul. Yes it is okay to be sad and talk about it , but sadly so many don't and end up like this young man. But he was able to help others through his music. The BEAT is getting better and better and that is because of a handsome, sexy man named Ari Melber. Keep up the great work Ari! Good night and have a safe, blessed weekend! Much love!
Ari, it’s too bad you didn’t get to interview him, you would have enjoyed it immensely!!
Really beautiful and heartfelt, Ari. People have so many struggles in life, how brave they are when they try to get help. Thank you for highlighting this, it’s so supportive.
Your special report had me in tears tonight. Thank you for bringing these cases to light. Justice for Julius Jones!!!🙏